“The Stranger Dinners” is a series of chance events. Twice a month, six strangers will come together to create a collaborative meal (potluck), producing the potential for serendipitous meetings and unexpected happenings. The series will start with an invitation sent to my own list of contacts, who are encouraged to spread the invitation through word of mouth, creating a FOAF (Friend of a Friend) network. Anyone in this network can RSVP to one of these dinners, with a maximum of 5 new guests per dinner. This event engages individuals in a unique situation of spending one night at an intimate gathering with people they may have never met, and may never see again.

Guests will each bring something of their choosing to share for dinner. They are also encouraged to bring any other items they would like to use as entertainment, conversation starters, favors, or show and tells.

This project explores the idea of individual expression and temporal intimacy, and allows guests to explore the freedom of interacting with new people outside of expectation, commitment, prior knowledge, or self segregation. The intention of this project is to create new opportunities and possibilities by changing the way people view, respond, and interact with strangers.

To sign up for The Stranger Dinner email list, visit: http://strangerdinner.eventbrite.com/

____________________

Dear Stranger,

I think we need to talk.

My mom always told me never to talk to you, even if you offered me candy. The news tells me not to trust you–that you will kidnap, rape, rob, or kill me given half the chance.

But I never believed those lies. I know you’re just like me, trying to make your world turn as best as you can. I know you have dreams, ideas, and favorite recipes just like me. You might even have some insight to share that will make my life better. Maybe you know my future partner. Maybe you know the solution to something I’ve been trying to figure out for a long while.

Sometimes I run into you at parties, bars and parks. All over, really. I know we just never get a chance to really sit down together. Get intimate. You just always look so busy, and I don’t want to intrude. You might think I’m crazy, or hitting on you or something. But I’m not.

Because the thing is, you’re really easy to talk to. I can really be myself around you. I can tell you anything… things even my closest friends don’t know. I can be really honest.

Technology is changing so fast now. There are so many new ways we can communicate. We can trade books, furniture, stories, sexual partners, and ideologies. But it still feels so impersonal. I find myself staring at my computer, isolated, as you walk by my window.

I’m tired of the silent treatment. I hate pretending to ignore you, not knowing when and if to smile when you pass. I don’t want to feel afraid when I hear your footsteps behind me at night.

Well, it’s time for a change. Come over for dinner. Let’s sit down, eat, and finally have a chance to really talk. I think this will be a great opportunity for us. In fact, it might save the world, or at least help us work better together. Next week let’s do it at your house.

All my love,

Ari

nataliedee.com

Today, I found myself floundering a little in my bed, trying to think of reasons to get up. It was one of those days I was going to need coffee and a To Do list.

To Do:
-That really important thing you get paid for
-That second most important thing you get paid for
-Dishes
-Laundry
-Money making scheming
-Start a salon/art movement (not the hair kind)
-Write blog

So here I am sitting in my robe drinking coffee once again, except now my robe is really wet because all my towels are dirty, and my coffee is black because I’m too lazy to walk to the store I live directly above to get milk.

Last week, I had some great dinner experiences. Friends came over, and we ended up spending hours drinking and talking and cooking and eating. The first dinner, after running downstairs to purchase the second bottle of vodka, we came up with this really amazing idea for a salon. A SALON. Okay, so remember when you used to take that white liquid Elmer’s glue and rub it on your hand and let it dry so you could peel it off? Yeah, that was kick ass and sounded like a really good after-dinner activity. My hands, dry and flakey from doing dishes and cooking, were as tender as meat cutlets after the glue did it’s magic. It’s also really satisfying to peel off your hand from your hand.

We started to have visions… visions of slathering hot rich trophy wives with glue, putting them under heat lamps, and then making them shed skin like snakes. People would love it and I bet it would be fun for those skin peeling enthusiasts (I know you’re out there!).

The next dinner was full of hardheaded discussion of the nature of the world and political agendas and missed opportunities and isolation and selfish mentalities and community organizing and lots of good stuff. And I thought to myself, wow, if we could all get together like this more often, like, everyone in the world on rotate, I bet we could really figure some things out. My own pessimistic view of the world grew hopeful, and I could see dear old motivation rearing her head for the first time in a while.

I thought about how lovely my stranger dinner potlucks were.. People coming together for the sole purpose of sharing a meal, without any strings or futures or drama. People presented themselves how they wanted, spoke about their passions, grew less isolated, and more connected to humanity.

That is when I realized…. the universe is telling me something! I should start a salon! But not an Elmer’s Glue Salon, a social exchange salon. We need a place to invite people that isn’t a bar or restaurant. Somewhere we can be for cheap and spend hours talking and listening to music and sharing stories and hanging out. Intimate, cheap, fun, interesting, always changing. It would be a great way to meet new people, develop ideas, create community, etc.

Luckily, I’ve been reading a lot of books about art/literary movements, and Gertrude Stein, so I’ve been able to outline some steps to initiating a forum like this. Here’s what I have come up with so far:

1. Find a venue.

This place has to be a private home. It must be intimate, so it makes people feel at home, and it must not be money driven, like a bar or restaurant, so people can relax and not worry about whether they paid enough or too much, or if they can afford it, etc.. It has to be a place people are welcome to stay for hours, and which has a spot people can go to remove his/herself from the festivities with one or two other people. (Those moments where you find respite from the group creates intimate moments where a real connection can be made.)

2. Pick an active day for the salon.

I knew someone who had potlucks every week at her house in Seattle. Different people would show up all the time. Also, Gertrude Stein seemed to have a constant flow of people who would just show up at her door around dinner or tea time or whatever, which I think is awesome. In order for a salon to be established, there should be a time and place that it always exists. That way, there can be a community of people who always feel like they could be invited.

3. Get people to come.

With the Stranger Dinner, I would make invitations monthly and get people I knew to invite people they knew. In this way, we kept it pretty safe, but always had new people come and participate. I think this time I’ll do the same kind of thing, but also reach out to some pre-established communities. I think making up some cards that I could give out when I meet new people would also be a good way to invite.

The only snag I envision is that my apartment can at most accommodate six people. More than that and the connective, intimate nature of the event may be lost. I will have to include an RSVP on the invitation, and accept the first six who RSVP for a particular week. I wonder how that will go!

If you live in the Bay Area, and would like to participate, leave a comment or email me: arianna [dot] davalos [at] gmail [dot] com . I promise you will have a time, and good or bad, you’ll meet some new people, exchange some new ideas, and maybe even find some inspiration!

I’ve been trying to make friends lately, but I don’t know how. I don’t think I’m doing this social media thing right, and I’m not sure how to pick up friends at bars. Or if that even happens. I’ve been posting ads on craigslist, but it always seems like a dead end for some reason. I think it might have to do with the fact that I’m not looking to sleep with anyone, and the virtual world and reality are so far removed from each other in my brain that I forget people on the internet are actually real. And I’ve been practicing being shy for so long that thinking about talking to people makes me want to get in my bed and watch movies for hours instead.

I did make a friend last week though. I was in training for the Census and we bonded over how we would rather be sipping cocktails than waiting for 50 people to get fingerprinted at the alarming rate of 1 every 15 minutes. We went bowling on Sunday. $20 for unlimited pizza and three hours of bowling (OMG bowling is so expensive and that didn’t even include all the booze). It was super fun.

*sidenote: Do you ever just hate someone automatically? Hate at first sight? Not that I really harbor lots of hatred, maybe irritation is a better word, but sometimes the way people talk and move their hands is just so aggravating that it makes me want to pull my teeth out with pliers. Sometimes I’m in a cafe writing with my headphones on but I’m secretly HATING YOU and everything you say and stand for. Get a chin, chicken neck.

Ahem. If you are going to be my new friend, this is what I would do to take you out and show you a good time.

1. Go to Ocean Beach and build a fire in their big Sea Star fire pits.

I’m currently working as the assistant for the artist who made these. Maybe you will be impressed by this. My boo, T, will help us build I gigantic fire and we can cook things over it on sticks and make s’mores and likely there would be a couple bottles of something and we could sit and sip and talk about all the things that are close to our heart and maybe make some music if we were so inclined until the fire died and it got cold and we started wondering how we were going to get home again and omg the train stop is so far away we’ll never make it let’s just sleep on the beach.

That happened to me once, but not exactly. We arrived at this beach park 5 minutes before it closed and got our car locked into the parking lot. We build a big smokey fire from some wet wood we found and stayed up all night shivering and watching the trains go by. We eventually ended up in the car which is where the park guy found us at 6am. It was awesome, like we were stranded on some cold island in the northwest and would sooner or later have to resort to cannibalism, or trapping squirrels, and build shelters out of stuff that washes up on the shore.

2. 50 cent Beer night at Bar on Church

We are broke artists, so we live a romantic trashy existence. On Saturday afternoon, we are going drinking at the place that most closely resembles a frat party at a gay club. We will scoff at the beer pong players, but would secretly play if they were friendly and asked us to. There are available poles and ropes hanging from the ceiling in case you had the hankering for suggestive gyrating, but I must warn you that if you are a girl you will be almost immediately be thought of as a slutty attention whore. The way to avoid this is to wait until you are pretty tipsy and then do it to get people to dance to this song because OMG IT IS SO GOOD!!! Extra points if you are hot and fun and get people to dance. If you are a cute gay guy, go forth with no reservations, but if you run off to have sex somewhere and ditch us, that is lame.

3. Monday Night Movie at Roxie Cinema

I love to watch movies, especially if they’re arty and independent and funny or heartbreaking or pretty and make me feel hip and smart. Enter Roxie Cinema. They always have something offbeat or interesting playing, so it doesn’t even really matter what’s playing. Especially because on Mondays the movies are $5 (cash pls). Before the movie, we can go get pupusas down the street at Panchitas #2 where you can have a feast for 2 for like, $12, I kid you not. This is a fun thing to do esp. when we’re just getting to know each other because there’s a little conversation time mixed with silent movie time that will give us something to talk about if we don’t really know what to say otherwise.

4. An Afternoon on Hippie Hill

On sunny days in the spring, there’s no better place to be than on Hippie Hill. All kinds of people come out. There are tons of hippies and weirdos and freaks to talk to that make great stories. Last time I was there, I watched this guy dressed in all black going crazy on this big empty trash can. He was covered in body armor and training himself to kill people. He came over and said his name was Ash and started throwing knives into the grass. He was awesome, and I feel sorry for any authority figure that runs into him when he’s in a bad mood. His pipe was given to him by an native american who made it out of the horn of an elk he shot with a bow and arrow.

Anyway, I’d pack a picnic with some food to spare, bring a little cash for homemade baked goodness we will inevitably be invited to try, and maybe even something to bang on. There we can spend all afternoon people watching and talking to whoever rolls up. We will share some food, lay in the sun, read, dance at the drum circle, hula hoop and generally chill out until we are so chill we are ready to find a rainbow gathering or go live in a van down by the river with all our new friends.

5. Pho

At this point in hanging out, it is likely that you will have encountered a hangover. Never fear! I would not leave you to somehow vanquish Yesterday’s Cheap Beer Dragon alone. I have found that the best way to fully and quickly cure something like this is through a big bowl of goodness in your mouth. Pho is like a day at the spa. It’s like a sauna, but better because it won’t make you want to throw up when you’re hungover. Delicious broth. Meat or veggies if you want. Noodles. Bean sprouts. Add in some hot sauce and I swear your pain will be gone and you’ll feel so much better.

Maybe after Pho we can go home and make something awesome or think of cool posters to hang all over the neighborhood or work on some sticker tags to slap on newpaper boxes and fire hydrants.

So now that you’re all impressed at how much fun I can be, and are wishing you could be my friend and hang out all the time, comment! I have no idea who reads this thing, but I know someone does because I HAVE VISITORS. Tell me if you’d like to hang out, or what you’d rather do that’s more fun. Or even better, tell me what you’re ideas are for fun things to do and give me some good ideas for fun cheap things to do. Or just say hi! You can also include a link to your blog if you want to be blog buds.

OH YEAH THAT’S RIGHT! HOLLA BACK!

I’m planning an awesome giveaway that will be a secret surprise care package full of such amazing wondrous items it will satisfy the void in your heart and fulfill your life completely. Get on my good side now and maybe you will be the winner!!

Last week was my birthday, and all throughout the week awesome things kept happening. My dad had this awesome barbecue for me and my grandma, whose birthday is the day after mine. He made tons of delicious steak and ribs and swordfish and my new step-mother made me a pineapple upside down cake with cherries in it. My boo, T, spoiled me all week, taking me to movies and out to eat, and even to the Body Shop where I got creams and potions and lotions and things to make me feel pretty.

On Thursday we went to the California Academy of Sciences. You get in free if it’s within 7 days of your birthday, and let me tell you there are a lot of birthdays in February. Tons of people were getting in free. It was a steal too, since regular admission is $25. Since it was my birthday, and we went during nightlife, which is only $12, we made out. Also, they enter you into a birthday raffle that gets you two free drinks and tickets to the planetarium.

When we got there, I went directly to the planetarium because I knew the tickets went quickly. We caught the first show of the night, which was fraught with technical difficulties and had to end early, but it was still awesome to see. Just being in the planetarium made me dizzy. The huge curved ceiling made you feel like you were no where. It felt like what I’d imagine being in the middle of the ocean on a cloudless day feels like. You don’t know where anything ends or begins.

After the show we went to the Rainforest, which is awesome and full of little creatures and butterflies. Halfway through it, there was an announcement that I’d won the birthday raffle! It was so wild, and we were having such a good time, it felt like the gods were spoiling me or something. We went to claim our prize and then spent the evening sipping martinis in the atrium before getting to go to the planetarium again and seeing the whole magnificent show in completion, no interruptions.

This feeling comes every so often, though I haven’t had it in a while. When I was in college there was one booth in the dining hall. It was in a little alcove made of stained class. It was my favorite place to sit. One fall semester I’d come to a meal and every time it was free. For weeks, every time I entered the dining hall I could sit at my favorite place. This might not sound like a big deal to you, but it made me feel like I was magic. Like I had this amazing streak of something that wasn’t even luck. It was like the sun was shining on me while it rained all around. T calls it “universal flow”. If you can learn to flowwith the universe, the universe will provide you with everything you seek and everything you need.

As it starts to become spring, I’m trying to get into the flow more and more. I am telling the Little Haters in my head to shut up their chattering. I’m replacing the negative voices with little encouragements. I’m trying to will myself into being strong, capable, confident, and outgoing, instead of giving into the part of me that wants to hide in my bed and never talk to anyone.

I’m trying to take care of myself. Stop doubting or being impatient or injuring myself and start being organized and getting on track. I have a long way to go, but every time I feel that I’m in the flow, it gets easier. It makes me feel like good things will happen, and that all I have to do is float along and recognize it.

It’s a good way to start a new year of being me. I don’t know what I thought I’d be like at 25, but now that I’m here, I’m doing my best to make it better every day.

doggies!

We woke up late today, after falling asleep in front of a movie at around 9pm last night. I don’t know how people go to happy hour and then out again to party on a Saturday night. After a few 50 cent beers down the street, and a good dinner of hamburgers on wheat toast, I was down for the count. Full and sleepy.

I hate to clean on Sundays, a day that should be lazy and full of mimosas and barbeques and sleeping in the sun, but it was the chance we had to do it. We got out of bed, unpacked some of out last boxes, took out the trashed, rearranged our kitchenette for a more satisfying cooking experience, and organized everything that had gotten away from us during the week. By 12:30, I was cranky. We hadn’t eaten, and T was listing off all the things we had yet to do.

There are some times when, no matter what you have on your to do list, no matter how little time you have to accomplish it, and no matter how crazy your week ahead looks like, you have to stop. You have to take a rest, catch a breather, come up for air. I demanded we go outside and walk around in the sun, to hell with all this cleaning. T agreed, without much coercing, grumpy himself by this point. After getting some coffee, and walking down the sunny side of the street, we settled in at Duboce Park to eat a bagel and watch all the dogs out for their Sunday stroll.

After a few minutes it was clear that this was just what we needed. Watching puppies of all different shapes and sides jump around, sniff each other and come around to say hello and demand affection, our grumpiness faded away. We took a long stroll up Haight St., watching people of all varieties stroll about, drink, eat lunch, and shop. We ended up at one of our favorite places to go on a day like this. From Hippie Hill in Golden Gate Park you can sit for hours, watching all the people, listening to the drum circle. It’s a true happening, with people doing acrobatics on the grass and naked babies dancing. You can see friends being made, items being traded, and picnics being had. It feels good, to be around so many people just relaxing, sitting in the sun after so many days of rain, and not having to do anything in particular but sit, and watch the world go by.

We came back to a clean room, a bottle of not-bad cheap chardonnay, a sweet, borrowed dog of our own to walk around the block, and a brighter outlook on the week ahead. Hooray for Sunday.

T playing the piano to relax at Haight St. Music Center.

The entire pond covered in algae.. gross!

Hangin' on Hippie Hill