I have been away for so long because first I was frantically looking for apartments and despairing and then everything was changing and I moved!! I have a super sweet pad now with a big kitchen made for people coming over and me feeding them, because it’s what I love to do. So come over and get fed!!

Moving is a bitch. I’m all, why do I have all this shit? I never use it but I keep it because when I get famous it will be worth a fortune. Like every single thing I made in college. All my fave books that I’ve already read and will never read again. There are things I’ve hauled all over this damn country that I’m now like “TOSS!!”.

And no, that picture above is not some new band I have formed. I have this special wine box full of letters and things that was pretty out of cont. I went through it yesterday and found an early love note from my first ever BF. That’s the side without the letter. Oh yeah, we were bad ass punks. Note the awkward 13-year-old whatdoisay theme, and subtle undertones of sweet adoration:

Hi.
I’m on the phone with you now. We’re not saying anything, but I don’t care. I thought I should write something with this, but! I don’t have anything to say. So in this package is:
- a “Book!”
- a “CD!”
- this “Note!”

I hate writing with a pen(cil). Prolly because I can’t do it. I’m almost tempted 2 rite like this bcuz it is ez but I am resisting. I am not looking forward to writing next year. I’m taking my time writing this so imagine my note-taking.

Aaah! I’m flipping TV channels, and on some shitty gameshow, the female contestant was named “Ketchup.” How sick is that? Adam’s middle name is Hilton. I wonder if that’s where he was conceived. I think he should have his whole family’s middle names after the hotels that they were conceived in. But then like, they’d run out of respectable-sounding hotels and it’d be like “Steve Holiday Inn Shaw” or “Alan 7 Buck Motel Shaw.” Yah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Overbooking of Flights
Airline flights may be overbooked and there is a slight chance that a seat will not be available on a flight or confirmed reservation. If the flight is overbooked, no one will be denied a seat until the personnell ask for colunteers willing to give up their reservation. If there are not enough volunteers, the airline will deny boarding to other persons in accordance with the airline policy. Persons denied boarding involuntarily are generally entitled to compensation. The complete rules of compensation are abailable at all airport ticket counters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am out of space.
I love you.
M

Like, for serious, I couldn’t make this shit up. This letter is exactly how this guy was, too. Awkward, random, but really sweet and well-meaning underneath it all. The mixtape that came with that package was the best one I ever got. I wish I knew where it was. I got it when I was 13 or 14 and 11-12 years later one of the songs on it is still my favorite. I still try to replay it in my head, the whole mixtape. It had good transitions and soundbites and everything.

Reading through these old letters makes me appreciate how many wonderful, sweet, loving people I’ve had in my life so far. I’ve been so lucky.

On that note… my social life has been on hiatus for too long. Call me up, stop by, and I’ll make you pie.

I’ve been trying to make friends lately, but I don’t know how. I don’t think I’m doing this social media thing right, and I’m not sure how to pick up friends at bars. Or if that even happens. I’ve been posting ads on craigslist, but it always seems like a dead end for some reason. I think it might have to do with the fact that I’m not looking to sleep with anyone, and the virtual world and reality are so far removed from each other in my brain that I forget people on the internet are actually real. And I’ve been practicing being shy for so long that thinking about talking to people makes me want to get in my bed and watch movies for hours instead.

I did make a friend last week though. I was in training for the Census and we bonded over how we would rather be sipping cocktails than waiting for 50 people to get fingerprinted at the alarming rate of 1 every 15 minutes. We went bowling on Sunday. $20 for unlimited pizza and three hours of bowling (OMG bowling is so expensive and that didn’t even include all the booze). It was super fun.

*sidenote: Do you ever just hate someone automatically? Hate at first sight? Not that I really harbor lots of hatred, maybe irritation is a better word, but sometimes the way people talk and move their hands is just so aggravating that it makes me want to pull my teeth out with pliers. Sometimes I’m in a cafe writing with my headphones on but I’m secretly HATING YOU and everything you say and stand for. Get a chin, chicken neck.

Ahem. If you are going to be my new friend, this is what I would do to take you out and show you a good time.

1. Go to Ocean Beach and build a fire in their big Sea Star fire pits.

I’m currently working as the assistant for the artist who made these. Maybe you will be impressed by this. My boo, T, will help us build I gigantic fire and we can cook things over it on sticks and make s’mores and likely there would be a couple bottles of something and we could sit and sip and talk about all the things that are close to our heart and maybe make some music if we were so inclined until the fire died and it got cold and we started wondering how we were going to get home again and omg the train stop is so far away we’ll never make it let’s just sleep on the beach.

That happened to me once, but not exactly. We arrived at this beach park 5 minutes before it closed and got our car locked into the parking lot. We build a big smokey fire from some wet wood we found and stayed up all night shivering and watching the trains go by. We eventually ended up in the car which is where the park guy found us at 6am. It was awesome, like we were stranded on some cold island in the northwest and would sooner or later have to resort to cannibalism, or trapping squirrels, and build shelters out of stuff that washes up on the shore.

2. 50 cent Beer night at Bar on Church

We are broke artists, so we live a romantic trashy existence. On Saturday afternoon, we are going drinking at the place that most closely resembles a frat party at a gay club. We will scoff at the beer pong players, but would secretly play if they were friendly and asked us to. There are available poles and ropes hanging from the ceiling in case you had the hankering for suggestive gyrating, but I must warn you that if you are a girl you will be almost immediately be thought of as a slutty attention whore. The way to avoid this is to wait until you are pretty tipsy and then do it to get people to dance to this song because OMG IT IS SO GOOD!!! Extra points if you are hot and fun and get people to dance. If you are a cute gay guy, go forth with no reservations, but if you run off to have sex somewhere and ditch us, that is lame.

3. Monday Night Movie at Roxie Cinema

I love to watch movies, especially if they’re arty and independent and funny or heartbreaking or pretty and make me feel hip and smart. Enter Roxie Cinema. They always have something offbeat or interesting playing, so it doesn’t even really matter what’s playing. Especially because on Mondays the movies are $5 (cash pls). Before the movie, we can go get pupusas down the street at Panchitas #2 where you can have a feast for 2 for like, $12, I kid you not. This is a fun thing to do esp. when we’re just getting to know each other because there’s a little conversation time mixed with silent movie time that will give us something to talk about if we don’t really know what to say otherwise.

4. An Afternoon on Hippie Hill

On sunny days in the spring, there’s no better place to be than on Hippie Hill. All kinds of people come out. There are tons of hippies and weirdos and freaks to talk to that make great stories. Last time I was there, I watched this guy dressed in all black going crazy on this big empty trash can. He was covered in body armor and training himself to kill people. He came over and said his name was Ash and started throwing knives into the grass. He was awesome, and I feel sorry for any authority figure that runs into him when he’s in a bad mood. His pipe was given to him by an native american who made it out of the horn of an elk he shot with a bow and arrow.

Anyway, I’d pack a picnic with some food to spare, bring a little cash for homemade baked goodness we will inevitably be invited to try, and maybe even something to bang on. There we can spend all afternoon people watching and talking to whoever rolls up. We will share some food, lay in the sun, read, dance at the drum circle, hula hoop and generally chill out until we are so chill we are ready to find a rainbow gathering or go live in a van down by the river with all our new friends.

5. Pho

At this point in hanging out, it is likely that you will have encountered a hangover. Never fear! I would not leave you to somehow vanquish Yesterday’s Cheap Beer Dragon alone. I have found that the best way to fully and quickly cure something like this is through a big bowl of goodness in your mouth. Pho is like a day at the spa. It’s like a sauna, but better because it won’t make you want to throw up when you’re hungover. Delicious broth. Meat or veggies if you want. Noodles. Bean sprouts. Add in some hot sauce and I swear your pain will be gone and you’ll feel so much better.

Maybe after Pho we can go home and make something awesome or think of cool posters to hang all over the neighborhood or work on some sticker tags to slap on newpaper boxes and fire hydrants.

So now that you’re all impressed at how much fun I can be, and are wishing you could be my friend and hang out all the time, comment! I have no idea who reads this thing, but I know someone does because I HAVE VISITORS. Tell me if you’d like to hang out, or what you’d rather do that’s more fun. Or even better, tell me what you’re ideas are for fun things to do and give me some good ideas for fun cheap things to do. Or just say hi! You can also include a link to your blog if you want to be blog buds.

OH YEAH THAT’S RIGHT! HOLLA BACK!

I’m planning an awesome giveaway that will be a secret surprise care package full of such amazing wondrous items it will satisfy the void in your heart and fulfill your life completely. Get on my good side now and maybe you will be the winner!!

Last week was my birthday, and all throughout the week awesome things kept happening. My dad had this awesome barbecue for me and my grandma, whose birthday is the day after mine. He made tons of delicious steak and ribs and swordfish and my new step-mother made me a pineapple upside down cake with cherries in it. My boo, T, spoiled me all week, taking me to movies and out to eat, and even to the Body Shop where I got creams and potions and lotions and things to make me feel pretty.

On Thursday we went to the California Academy of Sciences. You get in free if it’s within 7 days of your birthday, and let me tell you there are a lot of birthdays in February. Tons of people were getting in free. It was a steal too, since regular admission is $25. Since it was my birthday, and we went during nightlife, which is only $12, we made out. Also, they enter you into a birthday raffle that gets you two free drinks and tickets to the planetarium.

When we got there, I went directly to the planetarium because I knew the tickets went quickly. We caught the first show of the night, which was fraught with technical difficulties and had to end early, but it was still awesome to see. Just being in the planetarium made me dizzy. The huge curved ceiling made you feel like you were no where. It felt like what I’d imagine being in the middle of the ocean on a cloudless day feels like. You don’t know where anything ends or begins.

After the show we went to the Rainforest, which is awesome and full of little creatures and butterflies. Halfway through it, there was an announcement that I’d won the birthday raffle! It was so wild, and we were having such a good time, it felt like the gods were spoiling me or something. We went to claim our prize and then spent the evening sipping martinis in the atrium before getting to go to the planetarium again and seeing the whole magnificent show in completion, no interruptions.

This feeling comes every so often, though I haven’t had it in a while. When I was in college there was one booth in the dining hall. It was in a little alcove made of stained class. It was my favorite place to sit. One fall semester I’d come to a meal and every time it was free. For weeks, every time I entered the dining hall I could sit at my favorite place. This might not sound like a big deal to you, but it made me feel like I was magic. Like I had this amazing streak of something that wasn’t even luck. It was like the sun was shining on me while it rained all around. T calls it “universal flow”. If you can learn to flowwith the universe, the universe will provide you with everything you seek and everything you need.

As it starts to become spring, I’m trying to get into the flow more and more. I am telling the Little Haters in my head to shut up their chattering. I’m replacing the negative voices with little encouragements. I’m trying to will myself into being strong, capable, confident, and outgoing, instead of giving into the part of me that wants to hide in my bed and never talk to anyone.

I’m trying to take care of myself. Stop doubting or being impatient or injuring myself and start being organized and getting on track. I have a long way to go, but every time I feel that I’m in the flow, it gets easier. It makes me feel like good things will happen, and that all I have to do is float along and recognize it.

It’s a good way to start a new year of being me. I don’t know what I thought I’d be like at 25, but now that I’m here, I’m doing my best to make it better every day.

My boo and I went out last night. We drove through dark residential neighborhoods, looking into the lit windows of people’s houses. We drank tall boys on the sidewalk, listening to hipsters name drop and out-cool each other. We drank coffee at our favorite cafe, listening to a lady sing and a man strum his guitar. We listened to Journey in the car and when we got home we watched a movie about an epidemic wiping out 90% of the population of Earth.

I love my boo and I love the apocalypse.

A few months before I met him I was writing a column for  Sustainable Style. I had been watching all these documentaries about peak oil and energy and 2012 Mayan Calendar end of times junk. Sometimes I like to fantasize about the apocalypse. Usually I skip the bad stuff and end up somewhere safe with everyone I love. We build shanties and cabins and grow gardens and live this amazing communal-hippie anarchist-back-to-the-land existence where it’s always spring and everything is wonderful. When I think about all this I look forward to is as a time where I will be released from the confines of having to actually work for money and instead I can just build and grow things and do that whole mutual aid thing, which I’m totally into.

Then I met my boo, T. When he asked me out I invited him to this potluck series I was doing. Every month I would find 6 strangers and invite them to a potluck at my house. I’d sit in the kitchen, serve their courses one by one, and record the conversation they had. So our first date was really me listening to him relate to 5 other complete strangers about life, existence, humanity, philosophy, and experience. At this point, T was a stranger to me. He worked across the street from my shop, and whenever I saw him I got totally drunk by his charisma. Not that he really did anything special, but to me being in his presence was like being next to a pop star I was really into. Like Billy Corgan when I was 13.

In the kitchen, I heard him talk about jumping out of planes, traveling the world, talking to shamans. He whistled the sound of a hawk. He spoke of seeing visions while sick with ameobic dysentary. He talked about the philosophy of the Tao and traded lessons he’s learned about society and human nature with those around the table. It wasn’t just him, everyone at the table had their own piece to add to this night. At the end of the evening a pipe was brought out, all the wine was drunk, and people sat on the stoop smoking and literally singing with each other. It was the best potluck of the summer.

He stood out. We moved in together after a month. It was magic. He would bring me wild flowers and we would sit on the porch for hours looking at the stars and talking about the dragon that appeared every night in the bush across the street, under the streetlamp. He told me about all the different lives he has had, all the things he’s learned and seen and suffered. He even helped me build a shanty in the backyard one Sunday, and we spent the summer living in the backyard, watching movies, eating, sleeping, listening to music. When we didn’t have a barbecue, he made one using a pitchfork, a few bricks, and the rack from the oven. When we got locked into a park all night, he built a big fire and we spent the night talking and watching the trains go by. And when it came time to move, he spent the day cleaning the gutters, washing all the windows, and loaded the truck down the windy staircase all by himself.

And in the back of my mind, I knew. He was the person I wanted with me when the shit hit the fan.

Right now, we live in the city, struggling to keep a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. We spend days in front of our computers, learning, stressing, dealing with clients, and reading. But I dream of the day when the population is wiped out and we are stuck on our own, surviving on what we can do with our two hands.We will be the ones to build a safe haven for those we love. We’ll be really buff from chopping wood and gathering wildflowers and swimming in creeks. We will have an amazing hand built house, delicious hand-grown and gathered food, and all our friends will finally be in bucolic harmony.

But even if that day never comes when the apocalypse strikes, there is still the catastrophe of everyday to manage. And it’s so nice to know that no matter how little or big it is, he is always there, making it a little easier.

Life is definitely more exciting in movies.

There are plots. A developing story. Obstacles that are overcome. Interesting characters. Magical items.

Sometimes my life comes close. There are many times in my life, days where I look at whoever I’m with and say, “Did that really just happen?”

And then there are times in my life when my dreams are far more interesting.

Sometimes there are places I want to be and things I want to do that are just out of my reach. Last October, for my best friend’s birthday, I couldn’t go celebrate with him because he lives in Tokyo and the taxi fare would have been just a little too much. But I was there in spirit. And in my imagination, we went out and had an amazing night.

In Tokyo there is no crime. You can walk around at any time of night and feel completely safe. No one locks their bikes. It’s amazing.

On the night of Justin’s birthday, we woke up and the sun was shining. He lives in this amazing apartment with a sportswear designer roommate, big picture windows, and a tiny back garden with a mini fire pit and a fountain. I sabered open a bottle of champagne and made chocolate chip pancakes and we sat around the garden drinking mimosas and discussing our plan of attack for the day. I promised I would help him spruce up his pad right, so after breakfast we got our goggles and suited up in our white painter jumpsuits before gathering all the paint in the house and starting in.

There’s this great side room in his apartment that opens onto the garden. It’s southfacing, so it gets amazing light all day and we wanted to trap it in and magnify it so got some metallic gold paint and went to work. Before long we got all the ceiling and the walls completely covered in it and it started to look like some crazy egyptian tomb and we had to put on out sunglasses to finish it.

I had made this big drawing of mountains and the sea cascading into this giant pile of brightly colored shapes that were supposed to climb up the walls. We set up the projector and Justin made shadow puppets and danced around to some great funk records while I outlined everything. He started on a ladder at the sky and I started on the floor to paint the ocean and before long we had met on the mountain and climbed up to the crazy shapes. By then it was late and we were exhausted, but we had a ton of stuff to do, so we drank some crazy ass Japanese energy drinks that I swear should have been illegal and I clicked my heels three times and we were on our bikes, flying kites off the back of them through the streets with Justin’s mini ghetto blaster blasting from his basket.

This kind of thing, plus not being Japanese tends to get some attention in Tokyo, and we stopped at lights and struck poses while people on the sidewalk took surreptitious photos on their smartphones.

We went to a friend’s house and she made us some cold noodles and we slurped and slurped while she got ready to go out. This girl is amazing. She has a closet full of wigs and ended up wearing a giant blond beehive with seriously fake lashes and a blue metallic bodysock with platforms built in. She took us to this crazy club that was built to look like a treehouse. You could climb and climb into these little platform rooms and every room had a different drink special. At the top of the fake treehouse was this room that mimicked dawn every 45 minutes and had this infinity pool with, I kid you not, japanese mermaids swimming in it. If you dove in and held your breath, you could go to this totally awesome secret room with one glass wall where you could watch the mermaids swimming, and a deck with a sauna  and a ton of plants that looked out across the city. It was unreal, some weird gateway between jungle and metropolis that totally looked like one of those portals in sci-fi movies to a different universe.

We got lost in the treehouse, and by then we were a little less than coherent, but somehow I remember finding a tiny little door, like in Alice in Wonderland, that set you out into the street. By then we had somehow collected more people and we stopped at a karaoke bar, but after the treehouse club it seemed kind of lame, so we came home instead and put on an impromtu shadow puppet opera with our new friends and a bunch of random japanese opera records we had found mixed with Sun Ra samples before watching the sunrise in the golden room, which was totally bad ass and actually felt like a womb it was so warm from the light.

It was a totally bad ass birthday, even without a birthday cake. It was okay though, because when we finally woke up there was a giant mountain of strawberry cupcakes being carefully constructed in the kitchen. It was almost too beautiful to eat, but then we ate it and omg it was even better.

Birthdays like this are definitely too awesome to not come true sometime soon. I swear. My life is like a movie.

Carolina Caycedo Bartering out of her Van

This might be kind of convoluted, so just try and stay with me here…

The other day, my mom was having tea with a friend of hers and talking about her recent furniture facelifts. Her couch which she loved so much was getting lumpy looking. My mom works producing instructional sewing videos with this amazing lady Sandra Betzina. Sandra came over one day and said “I must fix your lumpy couch!”. My mom had recently been trading videos with Sandra’s daughter for interior decorating tips. Sandra knew someone who needed an industrial sewing machine, and someone else who had one she wasn’t using.. With the new industrial sewing machine, this lady (who was taking upholstery classes) restuffed and trimmed my mom’s couch to repay Sandra! It was a complete network of goodwill bartering and trading amongst a chain of friends.Now whenever I visit my mom there’s a new pillow or facelifted piece of furniture in her living room.

This bartering idea has always been around in little pockets, but with the economy like it is, it has been gaining steam. That day, as my mom was walking her friend to her car, when she offered the giant refinished room in her basement for me and my boo to live in. We made a big list of all of our skills, and in exchange for helping her however we can, we get an amazing place to be in an amazing location for a ridiculously low rent.

I just read this amazing article about this art project about bartering. Carolina Caycedo drove her van across the country, bartering goods and services for goods and services, and using art galleries as venues for initiating this process. Weeks went by where she did not have to use money, and she met tons of people and had many noteworthy and enlightening experiences. Bartering builds community and helps everyone get what they need. A world with more bartering means that you don’t have to spend all your time working at a job to make money to buy what you like. Instead, you form relationships, do what you love and what you’re good at, and you receive what you need at little expense to those around you. You avoid stressful boss/client/money issues, and you use resources more efficiently.

I think we have to learn to barter more. Craigslist has a barter section. Talk to your friends about what they need. Connect people you know. Look into three way trades. Make a list of skills you have. Be open. Listen. When you’re walking down the street, don’t be so blind about the needs of others around you. This morning, we walked into a coffee shop where the owner and someone else were trying to figure out what was wrong with the front door. My handyman boo, without hesitation, jumped on a chair, evaluated the situation, went and got a tool from our place, made some adjustments, and even started looking up places that would get the door fixed for cheap. By the time we left, the owner had talked my ear off about how amazing he was, gave him a free cookie, and told us that if we ever needed anything we should come to her. On the way to work we saw someone fixing the front door of the building, asked him if he could help and got his card. Now she can hopefully replace a part that costs $10 instead of spending 2k on new doors for her storefront.

The universe flows, and if you open your eyes you can flow along with it. Don’t just take care of you and yours, let’s take care of everyone. Take care of the village.

With that, here is a list of skills we have to barter. If you’re interested, you can contact me at arianna [dot] davalos [at] gmail [dot] com, or comment here. I’m located in San Francisco, and am open to what might come my way.

From Us to You:

Gutters
Window Washing
Painting
Mr. Fix-It
Fix Up Garage
Vehicle Maintenance/Repair
Website Design
Graphic Artist
Online Research
Housesitting
Pet sitting
Administrative Assistant
Copywriter
Video Editing
Video Production
Online Business Strategies
Website Analytics
Cooking
Baking
Art- Painting, Sculpture and Printmaking, Happenings
Decorating
Party Planning
Event Decor
Bad Jokes
Shenanigans
Plant Care
Trained Listener
Music Mixes
Writing

Ideas for From You To Me:

Meals
Muni Fast Passes
Food
Fresh fruit
Tattoo
Massage
Movie, concert or theater tickets
Wine
Books
Invite to a party
Artwork

I’ve been reading The Gift: How the Creative Spirit Transforms the World by Lewis Hyde (Download it free by joining Canongate Publishing’s website). It has got me thinking about gift giving a lot, especially with the Holidays and everything. I’m super broke and was brainstorming gift options for my peeps. There is so much pressure to go and buy shit for all the people you love. It doesn’t matter if they have everything they could ever want, somehow the gift seems to become a symbol for how much you care about or love a person. The more expensive and thoughtful, the more you love them. But even if people spend all the money they can and think really hard about it, how many gifts in your life do you actually treasure and keep forever? How many become the sentimental tokens that sincerely emanate the givers love to you for all eternity? Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all the gifts I have received over the years, but how many of them have grown to symbolize the love my family and friends have for me, the love we have for each other?

I think we’re going about this all wrong. It’s like we have Christmas because we need something to bribe us into spending time with our families. But what if instead of stressing out about the right gift or giftcard, we did something that was meant to bring us closer together?

I’m not sure what this could be. Maybe it’s making up traditions, like playing charades after dinner, or going for a walk (if the weather’s not to bad). Maybe it’s singing karaoke, or something corny like sharing a memory of holidays past. Maybe everyone can plant a seed together, take their charge home and watch it grow all year.

Whatever it is, I’m craving some continuity in these holiday gatherings. I want to be connected to all those people who have drifted in or out of this celebration over the years. I want to know what my ancestors did for Christmas Eve. I want to look forward to the one thing or activity that will make us all realize, together, that we are awesome and lovely as a unit.

I think we need to beat on some drums and call our ancestors to the table. I think we need to make some myths, break out the headdresses, find some traditional colors to wear. Let’s make some hand signs, lets make a family crest and all get tattoos of it. Let’s give each other all one necklace and pass it around every month. I want singing and dancing and giving back to this great earth mother. I want to wail for the sadness and dance for the happiness of last year and tomorrow. I want to tell the tale of how our people came to be here and now. I want to be thankful for us. For the tribe we have formed. For the masses we have gathered together. For those we have lost and those we have found.

Because it’s this togetherness, this place, this time, these people, this love that is the best gift. And if we’re all staring at our iPods or shaking the boxes under the tree, I’m afraid we’ll miss it.