There are a lot of things that bother me about money, but I think one of the biggest things is the fact that no one talks about it. To me, it’s a mystery. I’m not always sure how to get it and I think it would be easier if I could ask other people about their strategies. But it’s like a math test in high school: everyone has their arm covering it up so you can’t see their answers.
Life is hard enough, but it seems to me we are all competing with each other for the same thing. We all need food, clothes, and shelter, but instead of trying to help each other get what we need, we have to hide all our tips and tricks so that we can do better than the others.
I have come a long way since we first moved to our little place. Before, we never had any money, and I would worry about how we’d pay our phone bill, or the ridiculously cheap rent our fairy god-landlady for our place. Now, I know we can pay the rent this month, but with my temporary job and imminent move I’m worried about three months from now.
Money makes you worry, no matter how much you have. We worry about getting it, keeping it, having enough, and being about to do what we want. I’m worried not only about feeding and housing myself, but also being able to have the life I always wanted to live.
I am a very lucky person to have the things I have.. I know that. I’m very lucky to have been brought up to believe that I could be an artist, that I could travel, and learn new things constantly. I want the grand experiences. I want to feel success in the things that matter most to me. I want to have space and time and the freedom to do all the things I want to do in life.
But I need money to make all this happen. And it leads to difficult decisions. I can’t have everything I want, not even close. So what do I choose. A few months of fun and then back to square one? Throwing caution to the wild and letting things unfold? Or do I plan and miss out on the adventure that could be? Or will the adventure just come?
I wish I had people to ask who could tell me what to do. I wish I was still in school, or on a career path, or surrounded by successful people who would support any venture I wanted to start. But this is not the case, and I know even if I could find every detail about everyone’s financial history, I still wouldn’t have the answer to my future. But I want to be all in this together, instead of every man for himself. It would make me feel a lot less lame.
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I do NOT understand $. I’m constantly thinking, How do those people make any money? But obviously they do… Some people seem to make a Shit-ton. But I don’t seem to be those people.
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