Last week was my birthday, and all throughout the week awesome things kept happening. My dad had this awesome barbecue for me and my grandma, whose birthday is the day after mine. He made tons of delicious steak and ribs and swordfish and my new step-mother made me a pineapple upside down cake with cherries in it. My boo, T, spoiled me all week, taking me to movies and out to eat, and even to the Body Shop where I got creams and potions and lotions and things to make me feel pretty.
On Thursday we went to the California Academy of Sciences. You get in free if it’s within 7 days of your birthday, and let me tell you there are a lot of birthdays in February. Tons of people were getting in free. It was a steal too, since regular admission is $25. Since it was my birthday, and we went during nightlife, which is only $12, we made out. Also, they enter you into a birthday raffle that gets you two free drinks and tickets to the planetarium.
When we got there, I went directly to the planetarium because I knew the tickets went quickly. We caught the first show of the night, which was fraught with technical difficulties and had to end early, but it was still awesome to see. Just being in the planetarium made me dizzy. The huge curved ceiling made you feel like you were no where. It felt like what I’d imagine being in the middle of the ocean on a cloudless day feels like. You don’t know where anything ends or begins.
After the show we went to the Rainforest, which is awesome and full of little creatures and butterflies. Halfway through it, there was an announcement that I’d won the birthday raffle! It was so wild, and we were having such a good time, it felt like the gods were spoiling me or something. We went to claim our prize and then spent the evening sipping martinis in the atrium before getting to go to the planetarium again and seeing the whole magnificent show in completion, no interruptions.
This feeling comes every so often, though I haven’t had it in a while. When I was in college there was one booth in the dining hall. It was in a little alcove made of stained class. It was my favorite place to sit. One fall semester I’d come to a meal and every time it was free. For weeks, every time I entered the dining hall I could sit at my favorite place. This might not sound like a big deal to you, but it made me feel like I was magic. Like I had this amazing streak of something that wasn’t even luck. It was like the sun was shining on me while it rained all around. T calls it “universal flow”. If you can learn to flowwith the universe, the universe will provide you with everything you seek and everything you need.
As it starts to become spring, I’m trying to get into the flow more and more. I am telling the Little Haters in my head to shut up their chattering. I’m replacing the negative voices with little encouragements. I’m trying to will myself into being strong, capable, confident, and outgoing, instead of giving into the part of me that wants to hide in my bed and never talk to anyone.
I’m trying to take care of myself. Stop doubting or being impatient or injuring myself and start being organized and getting on track. I have a long way to go, but every time I feel that I’m in the flow, it gets easier. It makes me feel like good things will happen, and that all I have to do is float along and recognize it.
It’s a good way to start a new year of being me. I don’t know what I thought I’d be like at 25, but now that I’m here, I’m doing my best to make it better every day.
