New Years has come and gone, people have made their resolutions, but today is the real beginning of the year. Today is the first day back from the holidays. The day when everything returns back to normal, you get your ass back in gear, and really put your nose to the grindstone.
I’ve been thinking about resolutions lately. Not really making any myself, but thinking of the ones I’d make if I were to do that sort of thing. There are too many. I want to be healthier, smarter, more beautiful, richer, more productive. I want more friends and more traveling and carousing and more making art and music and movies. But when I start thinking about all the things I’d have to do to make that happen, I feel like I have to change into a totally different person. Then I get self-righteous and tell myself I’m just fine the way I am and there’s no reason I should change, even though I know it might help me somehow. It’s not easy to convince myself to do stuff I don’t want to do. Practically impossible. So I’m trying to think of a way to have resolutions without having resolutions. If there was some way to trick myself into changing, without me knowing, I’d definitely be more successful at it.
Then I started thinking, why do we have to have all these resolutions go into effect at the same time anyway? What if we just chose alternate weeks for the resolutions that we really want to do but are too hard? This week I’ll work out a bunch. Next week I’ll eat healthier, the week after that, no TV! But then that starts to seem like I’m punishing myself for not finishing my homework or something.
I think the real problem lies in blaming oneself for the things that are undone, or the ways in which we are lacking. I am not perfect, but I’m tired of thinking about all the ways in which I’m not perfect. I’m tired of the anxiety that makes me feel like people are judging me, and makes me give up to quickly. I’m tired of never believing that I’m moving forward. I’m tired of feeling ho-hum.
So. I think my New Years Resolution has to be to be really lovely to myself. To treat myself like a hot broad on a first date. To pamper and care for and love and treasure myself so I feel like I’m worth something, and can do whatever I want, no guilt, no judgments.
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my resolution is something similar. just love myself. continue on the path of self improvement. it would be nice to get into art, be healthier, etc. but when i think of all the jam packed things i want to do in one year, i wonder how i will achieve it all. good luck on that hot broad