bed
Song of the Day: Harry Nilsson – Gotta Get Up
In fact, last night I purposely did nothing and gave my tired body a rest after the long weekend. Since I work for myself, there are a couple obstacles I need to work out. I am a horrible procrastinator. I get things done, but I get them done when they have to be done and not a moment too soon. It causes stress in my life, which I think is the root of the problem. The fact of the matter is, stress is my biggest motivator. I only get up early when I know I absolutely have to; when there is a big enough penalty for not getting up early.
Now that I work for myself, I have to be my own motivation. I either have to learn how to work without threatening myself, or I have to get rid of this need for stress. I’m not sure what to do. What I do know, however, is how much better I feel when I get up early, do yoga, and start my day in a better manner.
The other problem is my boyfriend. Not that he’s actually a problem at all, just that I make him a problem. I use him to rationalize. If he isn’t getting up, it must be okay for me to stay in bed!
What I would love is if I could have some big scary authoritative person get my out of bed and make me do all the things I wish I did all the time. That way I can be helpless to resist, and I’d have someone to hate for getting me out of bed. I’d do everything I wanted myself to do, and eventually I’d get used to this new routine.
Maybe I need an imaginary friend. But this is the thing, I don’t think my brain would let me imagine someone like that vividly enough for me to not remember they’re imaginary while I blew them off.
The other problem is that I really want to do all these things for myself, and in doing so, learn how to take care of myself, and having someone else tell me everything to do and when totally defeats the purpose.
I suppose the only solution is this: I’ve got to “man up”, as it were. Grow some “bigger balls” and become that person who can kick my own ass. I need to kick my own ass!
Sometimes, taking care of yourself is hard. You don’t always know what’s best for you, and even if you figure that out, there’s no guarantee that you can convince yourself to actually do it. Sometimes it feels easier to be lazy than to do things that will make you feel good, and do good things. My friend Sam and I sometimes remind each other that it helps, sometimes, to treat ourselves like little kids. For little kids, it’s totally normal to not want to do anything that is remotely good for you. You go to bed late, drink too many milkshakes, and make strange contraptions out of rope and send your friends to try them out for safety.
I’m trying to do the best I can, but not everyone in my head is quite on board yet. Hopefully I can coax or bribe everyone soon. I’ve been meaning to do that.
